"Once upon a time, a vampire (maybe his name is Terrence) took a bite of a jam sandwich (maybe he thought the jam was . . . something else). And you know what happens when a vampire bites you . . . That's right. The jam sandwich has become . . . A VAMPIRE JAM SANDWICH. Terrifying, stalking the streets at night, sneaking into people's homes in an endless search for MORE JAM. The only thing you can do to protect yourself is box up all your jam and put it outside your home with NO VAMPIRE JAM SANDWICH written on it (here, I'll show you how to spell it: T-E-R-R-E-N-C-E)."--